- I won gold in 2008 and 2016, but even I have mom guilt.
- As a master's student in psychology, I've learned that relieving guilt starts by acknowledging it.
- Here's Natasha Hastings' story, as told to Heather Marcoux.
Running is what made me a two-time Olympic gold medalist, but when it comes to mom guilt, I never run from it. I sit it in. I acknowledge it. And that is how I can move forward in building the life I want for my 2-year-old son and myself.
Before motherhood, most of my life had revolved around being an athlete, and being an athlete can be incredibly selfish. Athletes learn to focus so much on their own needs and goals, but parenthood means constantly considering the needs of your child and your goals for them.
I aim to raise a son who will grow up and be ready to face the world on his own. And that's why I can't focus only on him. I can't forget about me. My son cannot be my entire life because he will need to build his own one day. Our lives are parallel tracks now, but one day his course will diverge from mine, and we both need to be ready for that.
Our schedules are very full
Our weekly schedule is so full, and our time is so precious. I am a mother, but I am still an athlete and a person with interests and plans of my own.
I'm a year from graduating from my master's program in clinical mental health, and I think my clinical training has taught me to see mom guilt as a guardrail for my mental health.
When I feel mom guilt, I don't reject it. I allow myself to feel it, investigate it, and determine whether its presence is a sign that something needs to change or if I am simply being too hard on myself.
Sometimes when I get home from class, the babysitter has already put him down to bed, and I feel more guilt than I should. Sometimes the week goes by so quickly that I look up from our busy schedule and it's already time for my son's weekend at his dad's.
I fear that I'm missing out on moments at an impressionable stage in my son's life, and I am constantly negotiating with that tension.
I don't believe in balance
It's often said that the antidote to mom guilt is balance, but I don't believe in balance because it's impossible to balance all the demands society places on us. For me, a quest for balance isn't the right concept when it comes to motherhood. You can't balance a rushing river, but you can navigate it. You can stay afloat by acknowledging the ebbs and flows and the reality of the current.
For me, this means my son is sometimes asleep when I get home. And sometimes after the babysitter leaves, I crawl into bed with him, careful not to wake him while I take in the snuggles.
Sometimes mom guilt finds me here. And when it does, I assess everything on my plate and remind myself that no is a full sentence, even when I'm saying it to myself. I cannot do everything, and I certainly can't do everything by myself. But I can build the life I want for myself and my son if I accept that and accept help.
It's something that my babysitter reminded me of the day I hired her. She told me that her mom went back to school when she was a small child and that they did miss time together because of it. But she told me something else, too.
"I've never resented her at all for that," she said.
I hired her to watch over my son when I can't be there because I know that she gets it. And I know that someday, he will, too.